Forces Beyond God
by District Attorney
Summary: Short, two part story of unfortunate names, knowledge which should not be spread, and temporal perception that a trainer would be better off without. T for language.
1. This

A young boy from Twinleaf town left home to become a Pokemon trainer at the age of ten, as so many do. He grew up resenting his mother for bestowing upon him the name Jackass, though she insisted that forces beyond human comprehension commanded her to do so, and she could not help but obey. The boy started to understand as he was given the responsibility of naming- he was unusually gentle for a boy his age and wouldn't dream of naming his piplup Anal Sex, nor calling his prized Chansey by the name of Shit Dick. Yet somehow he felt compelled to give these terrible names, felt a terrible guilt afterwards, and he was thankful that his creatures did not understand what they signified.  
In his travels, he encountered a place called the Global Trading Station- a marvel of modern technology. All he needed to do was step inside this building, and he could talk face-to-face with other trainers, and he was releived to see that many others shared his naming eccentricities. Being a fairly new trainer, he didn't have what others around the globe were asking for the pokemon he wanted.  
Just for kicks, he decided to see if anybody was offering a level 100 bidoof, and what they thought was a fair trade for it. He typed the specifications into the front computer, and soon, a single boy, dressed in customary bug catcher clothing, appeared in the center of the room, bidoof on his shoulder.  
"I will only give you MrSniffles in exchange for the god Arceus," the child shouted like a command.  
At the mention of the god's name, Jackass's knees buckled and his vision blurred. It was a name mankind was not ready to hear- even Jackass could tell, though it wasn't a name he knew. He asked, "How, uh, what, er, where did you learn that name?"  
The boy in front of him laughed, "I bent reality itself to obtain knowledge of the whole universe!"  
This talk was giving Jackass a splitting headache, but an obvious question stood out in his addled mind, "then why don't you just, you know, reach through space and time to get the god?"  
"I want others to figure out what you just did! Anybody can do it," the bug catcher grinned as he patted his Bidoof's head, and as Jackass looked closer at the stranger he could see that his face and the pokemon and the room around him were all made of tiny squares and he was growing lightheaded even though his own pokemon were all at full health and as he nearly drifted out of consciousness he was able to smack some buttons on the computer until he was the only person in the room.  
He ran out, ignoring the secretary's requests that she finish recording his presence in the building and hopped down the plateaus all the way to his hometown. Fighting back tears, he burst into his house to hug his mother for the first time in years.  
"I... I know now, Mom. It's not your fault. It's not anybody's fault."


	2. Soft Reset

Jackass wanted to forget what happened at the Global Trade Station, but after the encounter, he noticed changes in his thought process. His perception was expanded to the extent that it was troubling- it became near impossible to concentrate on the sequence of events that composed his life when potential futures all played themselves out around him.  
In one instance, he was writing in his journal about how he had nearly reached the end of a cave. There was one trainer left to battle, and he figured he may as well just try to make it through with his only conscious pokemon left, his loyal Chansey, Shit Dick. Jackass nearly shat _himself_ when he saw the ACE TRAINER sitting right at the cave exit stare right at him and unleash her formidable Medicham. He knew that his poor Chansey was essentially defenseless against this opponent, but Jackass tried to be encouraging anyway, urging her to use Double Edge and silently pleading that the Medicham's attack, whatever it was, might miss.  
Even in such desperate situations, he never prayed to Arceus anymore.  
Unsurprisingly, the Medicham decided to end the battle early with a Hi Jump Kick. His speed was superior and his aim was true, and Jackass was treated to the sight of one of his dainty feet gracefully colliding with Shit Dick's face, proving that a creature of her shape can, in fact, fall down. Jackass rushed to comfort his fallen friend, but noticed mid-stride that he was facing away from the entrance of the cave, pocketing his journal again. His Chansey was at his side, and her contented humming made it clear that the battle never happened.  
Jackass did not pride himself on his luck and good judgment anymore. For every risky move that paid off, he survived several waking nightmares. He couldn't shrug them off because they never happened, they were still real.


End file.
